Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
