i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Randomize
