Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
You're earring is so big in my mouth
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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