what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
