dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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