so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
