mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Randomize
