The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
