did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You have to summon your inner elephant
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
