what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
