woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
