Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Randomize
