i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
accomplished twins. life is a go
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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