Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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