Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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