i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
