she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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