Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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