I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
