Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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