i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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