Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
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