theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
