So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
