If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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