ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize