He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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