Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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