I just saw a hot homeless man
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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