I wanna bring you to show and tell
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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