Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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