I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Panties = found
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
