I wanna bring you to show and tell
I could have mohawked her pubes.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
