Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
