3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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