it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
