you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
