just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
