You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
