can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
