The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
