Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
