Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
