We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
