You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
