she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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