Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
