I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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