i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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