what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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