Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize