So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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