can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
