Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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